so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Randomize
