Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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