Joe is yelling at the trees again.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Randomize
