giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
