I just threw up on my dentist
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
