im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize