I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Are we still banned from the library?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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