I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
