Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Dear god my vagina.
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