Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Did I show you my penis last night?
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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