he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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