Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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