So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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