Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Randomize
