i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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