I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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