between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Also, beer. Big fan.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
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