i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
