Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize