I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
