The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
