apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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