You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize