Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I am in a vortex of obligation.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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