Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
