last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
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