I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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