She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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