i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Randomize
