My sheets look like a crime scene.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
