Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
