hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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