I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
