On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
