I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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