The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
