Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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