That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
