Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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