i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Randomize
