We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Randomize
