kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
