it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
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