all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
