I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
