Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
