Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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