Joe is yelling at the trees again.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
