i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Of course I have a pirate flag
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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