I want to have your abortion
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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