Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
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