i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I just want to make out with him forever
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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