i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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