Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
