from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
