The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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