I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
