Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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