i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
