I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Randomize
