Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
