You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
