He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
